I spent last
weekend in Santa Fe for the Women Writing the West Conference. I looked forward
to connecting with old friends, meeting new friends, and being inspired to
write again. What I didn’t expect was to re-discover my creativity.
The first
speaker on Friday was Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way. Julia and her book were completely new to me. This
is the 25th anniversary of the first printing of The Artist’s Way. She explained “Morning
Pages” – basically, writing three pages first thing in the morning of whatever
comes to mind. (I finally understand what all of my writer friends are doing
when they mention morning pages on Facebook!) I bought The Artist’s Way and began my own journey of morning pages this
week.
Through
reading the book and writing morning pages, the first thing I’ve learned is how
I have shut down my creativity. Perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking have
boxed me in. My realization – Wow! I have really closed myself off to the
things that matter most to me.
When I
decided to write “The Book,” the project I am ten years into now, I made it my
focus. I heeded the advice of other writers: write every day; get up and write
first thing in the morning; keep your focus “You don’t have time for that.”
I let go of
things in order to write. I started writing the book as nonfiction, changed it to
creative nonfiction at the suggestion of an editor, and finally ended up at
historical fiction. Historical fiction feels right. It is what I love to read.
But I had never written fiction. So, I had some learning to do. I created a
story arc. Other events in my life affected me and I became depressed. The
pressure I put on myself for the book to be perfect began to get me and I
became blocked.
Therapy
helped not only my depression and anxiety, but with writing my book. In fact,
that is the reason I am still seeing my therapist once a month. I am not there
yet, but I know it is within reach now; especially after last weekend.
Julia
Cameron writes about filling the artistic well. And I know that is where I got
of track. I kept letting go of creative things I love doing because “You don’t
have time for that.”
To fill the
well, Julia Cameron suggests an artist’s date once a week. The first one she
mentions is going to the dollar store and buying silly creative things. So,
today I went to Walmart thinking I would buy a coloring book and colored
pencils. I know adult coloring is the rage, but it feels silly to me. And, I
know I can’t do it perfectly. Oh, just the right thing to open myself to
creativity.
After
finding the coloring book and pencils, I walked down the sewing aisle.
And there,
on the bottom shelf, lay the most beautiful skein of royal purple yarn.
I learned to
knit when I was a child in 4-H. My mom taught me at first, later I rode the bus
after school to go to my best friend’s house. After eating a peanut butter and
honey sandwich, Donna and I sat knitting while listening to Waylon Jennings and
other country music playing on the radio. Donna’s mother helped us when we made
mistakes.
I enjoyed
knitting and eventually received a grand champion ribbon for a vest I knit. I
taught knitting to some younger girls in 4-H, too.
I continued knitting off and on through the
years, but half-finished projects started to wear on me. Finally, after making
a mistake on a baby blanket for a friend and never finishing it, I gave up
knitting twenty years ago.
Until the
skein of royal purple yarn called to me. My mind flashed back to knitting with
Donna, teaching others to knit and knitting during blizzards. I picked it up
and caressed the soft yarn and knew I wanted to knit again. Maybe a scarf? I
found knitting needles and rushed to the checkout with a smile.
At home, I
found a pattern for a scarf on the Internet. It took a couple of times to get
it started right. The first time I added an extra stitch and ripped it out to
start over. But soon my fingers flew into knitting as though they had never
stopped.
Creativity,
texture, color, memories, connection. Ahhh.
