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| My bucket of faith, hope and love |
Several months ago, Dr. Anna asked me to write my
insecurities on a Styrofoam cup. I wrote about my fears, disconnection,
perfectionism, feared judgement and unmet expectations. Then she had me poke
holes in the cup to drain my insecurities.
It felt good to drain my insecurities. At the bottom I
wrote, “Every last drop of insecurity drained.”
On the drive home I thought about what I wanted to fill my cup
with. And the words, “Faith, hope and love” came to me.
Yes, that is what I want poured into my cup. I want to
overflow with faith, hope and love.
I opened my Bible when I got home and turned to 1
Corinthians 13. You know, the Love Chapter. If you are like me, then you read
it as an outward action. Love is patient (with others). Love is kind (to
others)…
For some reason I read it differently on that day:
Love is patient.
(I can be patient with myself. The same way I would be with a friend.)
Love is kind. (I can be kind to myself. I
can speak kindly, the way I would with a friend.)
Love is not easily
angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. (Whoa. I don’t have to be angry with
myself or remind myself of what I’ve done or not done every day. My mistakes
don’t have to play over and over in my mind.)
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in
truth. (Depression lies. Satan lies. Anxiety lies. I rejoice in the truth.
I seek the truth and dismiss the lies.)
Love always protects.
(I protect the truth. I protect myself from lies.)
Love always trusts.
(I trust myself and God.)
Love always hopes. (Through
God, I see the best in me and always hope.)
Love always
perseveres. (Don’t give up. Seek the truth and move forward. Stop living in
the past.)
Love Never Fails.
I have lived a life believing the lies of perfectionism.
Now, if you have seen my home or know me, you may laugh to think I struggle
with being perfect. I fall on the other end of the spectrum. If I can’t do it
perfectly, why do it at all? The All or Nothing Mentality.
Letting go of perfectionism is all about learning to be
self-compassionate. Learning who I am. Trusting myself. Being willing to try
and fail. Everything 1 Corinthians 13 says.
No, it's not easy. In fact, my anxiety ratcheted right up this last month and I realized it was about perfectionism. That's when I bought the little pink bucket and wrote 1 Corinthians 13 on it. It helps to have a reminder around.
If you wonder about your level of self-compassion, you can
take a test at http://selfcompassion.org/
If you can't love yourself, how can you love others openly and honestly?
If you can't love yourself, how can you love others openly and honestly?
