"Awareness is about learning to keep yourself company." A quote by Geneen Roth in Traveling Mercies by Anne LaMott.
Acknowledging the depression, writing about it, sharing it on Facebook and reading comments from friends seemed to open a window and some fresh air blew in along with sunshine. I decided to take the week off. Taking the week off from everything that I tell myself I need to do gave me permission to stop. My mind has stopped running through its thread of "you need to do this" or "you have to do this." For me, "need to" and "have to" weigh on me heavily and most often don't get done - even my beloved book project.
For example, yesterday I looked out the window at the dirty white truck and thought, "I'll wash the truck tomorrow when I get the oil changed." What struck me was I didn't think "I need to wash the truck." A little nugget of awareness.
My mind is clear - empty of the ideas, thoughts, creative tidbits and problem-solving for all of my projects and life problems. I told the taskmaster to take a hike and she did! Frankly, I am surprised.
I have space to talk to me. But I don't have to talk. I love the silence and I am basking in it.
(From my Facebook Profile April 8, 2015)