Today I called my therapist. "I know you're not surprised by this call with this rainy weather," I said on her voicemail. "I need an appointment."
She once told me my diagnosis should be "weather-affective disorder" instead of "seasonal affective disorder." She could tell by looking at my face when I walked into her office whether it was sunny or cloudy outside. It's a good thing I live in Colorado.
It is monsoon season. We've had at least 5 inches of rain the past couple of weeks. Heavy, moody clouds cover the sky and rain comes down as though poured by the hand of God from a pitcher. And it kind of feels like this whole year has been a monsoon season for my family. One crisis after another has fallen.
Last weekend I escaped with my husband to the mountains. I took photos of the moon over Pikes Peak. I sat in my rocking chair reading and soaking in the sun when it chose to appear through the clouds. Silence. Nature therapy. Stillness with God. It helped.
Today I felt the sadness descend on me. Now, I can accept a sad day, knowing the next day doesn't have to be that way. But I realized it's more than just one day. It's time to get some help with it.
I am grateful for the understanding I have about depression and thankful I don't have to handle it by myself. It's hard when you think you are doing so much better - and I was - to feel like you are taking a step back, but that's life. We all do the best we can.
Love and courage to you, Gayle. Glad you're taking care of yourself! You're right, it feels like two steps forward, one step back, but it is life, and we are moving forward by choosing to show up each day, doing our best! Blessings and hugs.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart. Rains bring mold which brings depression for many people. Lack of sun for many of us is a challenge. I too, struggle under the pouring rain, but I believe that both of us can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Thanks for you honesty and your sweet spirit.
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